Lesson 8
= X minutes
Lesson 8 – AVOIDING THE TRAP OF PORNOGRAPHY
Teacher Preparation
Key Concepts
Addiction to online pornography is a form of slavery. Avoiding it leads to freedom. It is easy to slip into pornography addiction while thinking you can quit at any time. The best way to break a porn habit is to share your secrets and ask for help.
Objectives
By the end of this lesson, students should be able to:
1. Explain how pornography addiction is a form of slavery and desire freedom from it.
2. Identify in the “fast river story” where they would get out of the water (and therefore stop viewing porn).
3. List the two steps back from pornography.
4. Commit, in their journals, to seeking help where appropriate.
Background Information
This session deals with the sensitive subject of pornography, particularly the explicit pictures and videos widely available on the Internet. As you contemplate whether or not to teach this lesson, and if you do, how to teach this lesson, consider the following:
Within the lesson, there are several references to pornography. You should carefully read the entire lesson and consider whether to use the written terms when speaking to your students or substitute synonyms or euphemisms. Some possible substitutes might be: “explicit material,” “revealing pictures,” “adult content,” “nudity,” “dirty pictures,” “forbidden photos,” etc.
Depending on the age of your students, and the attitudes toward nudity within your culture, your city, and your school family (administrators, teachers, parents, etc.), you may want to seek permission to teach this session from your school principal or even written permission from each of your students’ parents.
This material is most effective when taught and discussed within a single gender. Ideally, if you are a woman, you should teach only the girls, and find a male school counselor, therapist, teacher, pastor, father, or grandfather to teach this session to the boys in your class. Likewise, if you are a man, it would be best to find a female teacher, school counselor, therapist, mother, or grandmother to teach this lesson to girls.
Note: The following research material is not quoted to your students in this lesson. You may wish to summarize some of it, as you deem appropriate.
Pornography: In dictionaries and other authorities there are varying definitions and debates concerning what is, and is not, pornographic. For the purposes of this lesson, we will use this definition:
Online pornography includes photos, drawings and videos that show any naked female or male sexual organ(s). (Sexual organs are: Female—breasts and vulva; Male—penis and scrotum.)
For your reference, here are two standard definitions of pornography:
“Printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate sexual excitement.” (https://www.lexico.com/definition/pornography)
“The representation in books, magazines, photographs, films, and other media of scenes of sexual behavior that are erotic or lewd and are designed to arouse sexual interest.” (https://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/pornography)
Negative Influence of Pornography: Administrators, parents, or students may question why young people should be discouraged from viewing pornography. One obvious answer is that addiction of any kind, whether to online gaming, drugs, alcohol, bullying, or pornography will divert time and energy from healthy activities such as academic achievement, sports, and positive social relationships. A second reason is the detrimental effects of pornography on future romantic relationships and/or marriage. Consider this quote from researcher Gary Gilles:
“Pornography creates unrealistic expectations about your spouse and sexual behavior. Pornography has been shown to weaken commitment in marriages because it creates an utterly false impression of what a normal body looks like and what sexual behavior is really about. The sexual relationship is meant to be [a] mutually satisfying expression of each partner’s love for the other. In contrast, porn is about self-gratification and often involves dominating or mistreating the other person.”
(Gilles is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in private practice and an adjunct faculty member at the University of Chicago’s School of Social Service Administration. https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/how-pornography-distorts-intimate-relationships/)
In summarizing the results of a number of extensive studies, Psychology Today, a professional bi-monthly publication, reported:
1. Porn-free relationships are stronger, with a lower rate of infidelity.
2. Watching porn can diminish relationship commitment.
3. The fantasy alternative leads to real-world cheating.
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201407/what-porn-can-do-intimacy)
Researchers estimate that in many countries 95 percent of boys are exposed to porn by
the age of nine. (Dr. Jeffrey Satinover; http://www.ccv.org/issues/pornography/)
Materials and Preparation
Before class, write the following questions on the board or a large paper you have attached to a wall:
1. What one or two things could you suggest that your younger brother or sister could do to help them reach the goals or dreams in their lives?
2. What one or two things could you suggest that your younger brother or sister should avoid that might hurt them or keep them reaching their goals or dreams?
Make sure students bring their journals to class. Have spare paper and pencils or pens available in case a student forgets to bring his/her journal.
Beginning the Lesson
Advice to Siblings
About 10 minutes
[Make sure the two questions are written on the board. Divide your class into groups of three. When they are in groups, ask them to choose one person to write down their answers to your questions, and make sure the recorders have paper and a pen/pencil.]
In your groups, please discuss these two questions:
1. What one or two things could you suggest that your younger brother or sister could do to help them reach the goals or dreams in their lives?
2. What one or two things could you suggest that your younger brother or sister should avoid that might hurt them or keep them reaching their goals or dreams?
If you do not have younger siblings, please imagine how you would answer if you did.
[Be prepared for humorous as well as meaningful advice. After the groups have discussed for five minutes, ask for one suggestion from each group’s recorder and write the suggestion on your chalkboard. Then ask for a second suggestion from each
recorder. If the same suggestion is repeated again, write a ‘1’ after it, etc. A common suggestion might have several 1s after it.
Give your own comments on the summary of your students’ responses:
• Which responses might be especially helpful for younger siblings?
• Which responses were most common and why?
• As an adult teacher, what would be your own advice for a younger sibling?]
= 10 minutes
Exploring the Lesson
Freedom or Slavery Case Studies
About 10 minutes
[This session will be focused on finding freedom and avoiding slavery. Have students stay in their groups of three.
Write on the board: “Is this freedom or slavery?”]
We are going to look at several case studies, all hypothetical or made-up stories about teens. I am going to ask you whether you think each teen is experiencing freedom or slavery. But first, let us make sure we all understand what we mean by the words “freedom” and “slavery” for the purposes of this lesson.
A definition of slavery is, “Living in bondage, a state of subjection, severe toil, drudgery.” In slavery you have little or no freedom or choices. Your life is controlled by someone or something else.
Freedom can be defined as, “Liberation from slavery or restraint from the power of another.” Freedom means you are able to control your own life and make your own decisions.
[For each question give your students one minute in their groups to discuss their response, then ask for a show of hands—Freedom or Slavery? After everyone has voted, tell the students the true answer. Elaborate, if helpful.]
I am going to describe teenagers, one at a time, and my question will be: Is this freedom or slavery?
1. Andrew stumbled on an Internet pornography site at age seven. He returned to it secretly with increasing frequency until now. At age 14 he watches pornography almost every night, telling his parents he is doing homework. He thinks he can stop any time, but when he has tried, he always returns to it. Freedom or slavery?
[Answer: slavery. He is in bondage to porn.]
2. Chris has a friend who sends him some naked [or compromising] pictures of girls and suggests a few Internet sites where he can find more. Although Chris is tempted to look for more, he feels guilty and embarrassed. He wonders what his parents or teacher would say if they knew he was looking at these pictures. Chris deletes the pictures and the email that lists other websites. Freedom or slavery?
[Answer: freedom. He is avoiding becoming a slave to porn.]
3. Amy likes a boy named Frank. They often send fun and teasing messages. Amy is hoping for a deeper relationship. Then one day Frank kisses her and Amy is sure she is in love. The next day, Frank texts her hinting he would love to see a picture of Amy without clothes. Amy is shocked and does not respond. Frank’s texts get more insistent saying that if she really cares for him, she will do what he wants. Embarrassed, but afraid of losing Frank, Amy sends him three pictures with most of her clothes removed. Three days later Amy discovers Frank has posted her pictures on the Internet along with pictures of other teenage girls wearing little or nothing. She is humiliated and immediately texts Frank demanding he take her pictures down. He does not respond. From then on, Amy lives in fear that her parents, teachers, or friends will see the pictures. Freedom or slavery?
[Answer: slavery. Initially, she was enslaved by her fear of losing Frank. Now, she is in bondage to fear of what others will think of her.]
= 20 minutes
River and Falls Analogy
About 10 minutes
[Have students stay in their groups of three.]
Next, I am going to ask you to close your eyes as I read the following pretend story:
Imagine you are standing in your swimsuit at the edge of a fast-flowing river. The day is very hot, so you step into the water up to your ankles. It is cool, so you step farther into the water up to your knees. The water flows around your legs and feels good. You move farther into the water, up to your waist. Now you feel the flow more strongly and you think maybe you should stop. But you are still hot above your waist, so you crouch down into the water up to your neck and finally feel cool all over. Then you say to yourself: I am a good swimmer, I can swim out a little farther, and if I get into where the current is strong, I can always swim back.
You push off and swim into deeper water. It feels even better—so good that you do not notice you have floated downriver so far that you cannot see where you entered. Now you hear the sound of a waterfall and you begin to swim as hard as you can toward the shore. But as hard as you swim, you do not get closer to the shore, only to the sound of the waterfall. Exhausted, you realize that you no longer have any choice and hope you survive the falls.
Please open your eyes now and tell the other two in your group at which point in the story you think you would change your mind (to either not get in at all or turn around and get out).
[Give your students five minutes to discuss their answers.
Next, ask three or four students to share with the class at what point in the story they think they would change their minds.
Next, ask this question to the whole class and let a few respond:]
Did you notice in the story what kept the swimmer going farther into the water and staying in the water? [Answer: It felt good; believed he could get out at any time.]
What do you think are the similarities between this story and how young people get entangled in porn? [Answers: It feels good and, at every point, students believe they can stop. Before they know it, they are slaves.]
= 30 minutes
Ending the Lesson
Story
About 5 minutes
[Have the students return to their regular seats for the story.]
The next day Derrick found a new message, it read—
Friday 7:45 A.M.
Derrick, there are a few matters that still need to be addressed regarding your Internet footprint. When you are ready hit reply.
Volqert
A sense of shame tugged ever so slightly at Derrick’s conscience as he pondered his upcoming meeting about his Internet footprint. What had Volqert discovered that required a private meeting?
By 10 o’clock, Derrick’s sense of shame had mushroomed into an unreasoned fear. This is silly, thought Derrick. I will just see what he wants. No big deal. Derrick clicked on “reply.”
Good morning, Derrick. (Volqert’s voice was neutral, giving no hint as to the nature of the meeting.) I thought we might begin with a short podcast.
Derrick’s phone showed a red sports car in a rearview mirror working its way up a winding mountain road. As the sports car flew past, he caught a vision of blond hair blowing in the wind from the passenger side.
A rich voice began to speak as he watched the video on his phone.
“He only saw her sitting in the passenger seat for a split second, but the vision was intoxicating! Who was this strange exotic beauty? He had to know! And so, he pushed down on the accelerator. Curve after curve, he pushed his car to its limits. It was not long before he caught a glimpse of the red car with its alluring passenger. The shoulder of the road broadened on one of the rare straightaways—this is my chance, he thought. Risky? Yes! Incredibly stupid? No doubt. But he had to see this fleeting beauty that so captured his imagination.
“As casually as possible he glanced over at the mysterious blond racing by at his side. And in that instant, his fate was sealed. The blonde slowly turned and met his gaze with her large penetrating brown eyes, her face in full view. With his heart wide open, he drank in the total image of her in that instant. The finely sculptured nose, the pure white teeth, lazy yet inviting smile, the long silky ears—silky ears! He had just given his heart to a dog!
“The shock of his discovery broke his concentration and he missed the next curve in the road. As he flew over the cliff to his certain death, he had several precious moments to ponder his profound disappointment, matched only by his complete lack of
discernment.”
Derrick’s screen went blank.
Volqert: Our perceptions can be misleading. It happens all the time. But hopefully, not with such immediate and fatal consequences! Do you know why I showed you this cautionary tale?
“I am pretty sure I know why you wanted to meet this morning and I have been dreading this moment,” confessed Derrick. “But admitting my secret also feels freeing. Why is that?”
Volqert: Because you are your secrets.
“I feel like this secret has been killing me,” sighed Derrick.
Volqert: I am sure you do. But like our infatuated friend in the video, if we do not take steps to change your behavior and perceptions, the long-term consequence to you will be devastating.
“It is not as if I have not tried to quit! I have tried more times than I can count. I do not know what else to do.”
Volqert: Good! Asking for help is the second step back from pornography.
“What is the first step?” asked Derrick.
Volqert: Telling your secret to someone you can trust.
“I have never talked with anyone about this—well, except for you,” Derrick said.
= 35 minutes
Story discussion
About 5 minutes
Yes, keeping your problem secret keeps you from getting help. These two steps, sharing your secret and asking for help, bring your problem with pornography out into the light.
[Ask the following questions and let a few students to respond to each question.]
What effect did Derrick’s secret have on him? [Answers: It made him afraid, guilty, separated him from other people, etc.]
What happened to Derrick when he admitted his secret to Volqert? [Answers: He felt better, relieved, encouraged, etc.]
What were Volqert’s two steps back from pornography? [Answers: 1. Sharing your secret; and 2. Asking for help.]
= 40 minutes
Journal Activity
about 5 minutes
Please take out your journals and a pen or pencil. If you do not have your journal, a piece of paper will work.
I am going to ask you a question, and I would like you to think quietly about it. Then, after I have asked the question, write a couple of your thoughts in your journal. Here are the questions:
Like Derrick in the story, do you have any secrets you are afraid to share?
[Allow a half a minute of silence for students to think. You may want to repeat the question once or twice.]
Who is a trustworthy person you would feel safe to share your secrets with? If your secret (or secrets) are hurting you, who is a responsible, trustworthy person you might ask for help? A parent? Older brother or sister? Another relative? A teacher?
[Allow half of a minute of silence for students to think. You may want to repeat the
question once or twice.]
Now, I would like each of you to write something in your journals. If you thought of a person you might trust, write down his or her initials in your journal, not the full name, just the initials. Write down when you will share your secret and/or ask for help—write down the initial of the day of the week when you plan to talk to this person. (For example, write an “M” for Monday.) If you do not feel the need to talk with anyone, or cannot think of a person, please write three initials in your journal anyway. I want everyone to be writing something.
= 45 minutes
Resources
Going Deeper
[Before class, write on the board or on a large paper taped to a wall, “Some kids build their houses on sand by . . .” Ideally, you should allow each student to add an ending. However, if you are short for time, you could ask for a few volunteers.]
In one of His sermons, Jesus said, “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it” (Matthew 24:24-27).
Obviously, Jesus was not just talking about home construction. His main point was how some people build into their lives a foundation that leads to a godly, moral, stable, and productive life and others do things that lead to failure and disaster.
I have written the beginning of a sentence on the board: “Some kids build their houses on sand . . .” I want each of you to come up to the board and finish the sentence. What things have you seen or heard kids your age doing that are like building their future life on sand? There are some obvious ones, like flunking out of school or getting addicted to dangerous drugs. These kinds of things set kids up for real unhappiness or tragedy later in life. There are also a lot of more subtle things kids do that are not as obvious, but still contribute to a weak foundation for their lives.
I would like everyone to contribute, and have as many different answers as possible. However, if you come to the board and find someone has already written what you wanted to write, you may simply put a check mark (√) after their completion.
[If possible, allow each student to add an ending. However, if you are short for time, you could ask for a few volunteers.]
OK, let us line up and start writing our contributions.
[Allow time for everyone to write or put a check mark by another person’s contribution.
When everyone has returned to his or her seat, discuss what your students have written. Whether or not anyone has suggested pornography or something similar (suggestive pictures, etc.), add the following:]
Unfortunately, becoming addicted to online pornography is one of the most common destructive habits today. Viewing those kinds of pictures or videos eats away at our ability to have healthy, God-honoring romantic relationships later in life. It is one way too many young people start building their house on sand.
Parent-Teacher Connection
For Family Discussion
1. Ask your student to share with you the Fast-Flowing-River Story. Then ask, what is the point of the story?
2. Tell your student about the experiences of other people you have known with pornography (or better, your own experience). Then share your attitudes about online porn.
3. Invite your student to tell his or her attitudes about young people viewing porn.
