Lesson 9
Lesson 9 – PREVENTING SUICIDE
Teacher Preparation
Key Concepts
Suicide ideation and suicidal behaviors are big problems among teenagers and these problems are growing exponentially. Some statistics even show for every one teenager’s suicide some 50 other teens have attempted to take their own lives.
There are no simple answers or solutions to preventing suicide. Researchers, however, have discovered several factors driving teenagers to this act of desperation, which include:
• Broken family relationships
• Depression
• Negative social interaction
• Misconceptions of death
Objectives
By the end of this lesson, students should be able to:
• Challenge popular myths about suicide and assert the finality of killing oneself.
• Explain some common thoughts and feelings leading teenagers to suicide.
• Develop a list of steps they can take to help themselves or a suicidal friend to live and thrive.
Background Information
The most highly correlated factors with adolescent suicide are:
• Living in a home where there is conflict between parents
• Conflict between the adolescent and parents
• A breakdown in communication
Many suicidal teenagers feel unloved, unwanted, and alienated from their family. Almost every study of suicidal adolescents has found a lack of family cohesion.
Most adolescents who attempt suicide have experienced serious emotional difficulty. During this time, adolescents typically feel extremely hopeless and helpless. They see no way to improve their situation. These deep feelings of despair frequently cause a
teen to question his or her ability to cope with life.
In this despair, the teen’s depression is not attractive to others, which makes the teen feel more and more isolated. As teens become withdrawn, they fail to recognize how their isolation pushes other people away.
Also, most young people have reasoning limitations. They are still growing, developing, and experiencing life. Their limitations may lead to a distorted, incomplete, or unrealistic understanding of death. Death may not be seen as a permanent end to life and to all contact with the living. Suicide can be a way teens think they can punish their enemies, while at the same time, wrongly thinking they will have the ability to observe their anguish from a different dimension of life.
In addition, as social media websites have become increasingly popular in the 21st century, cases of teenage suicides are increasingly being linked to depression. This depression is possibly caused by cyber-bullying (See Lesson 4 of the DreamMakers-
DreamBreakers curriculum.). While a direct cause-and-effect cannot necessarily be proven yet, a significant correlation has been discovered. Several parents of teens who committed suicide reported their adolescents had been active on social media sites; some parents recalled their teen having mentioned being bullied online.
Country-specific statistics and other information are available at: https://ourworldindata.org/suicide.
Statistics and other information are available through the World Health Organization and the United States Centers for Disease Control.
Materials and Preparation
• Look up and have readily available the suicide hotline phone number in your area. Write it here: ________________________________; write it on the chalkboard; and have all your students write it in their notebooks and/or journals. If there is not a suicide hotline in your area, please provide a phone number for the police and/or the nearest hospital.
Beginning the Lesson
Story
About 5 minutes
Natalie finished posting a new photo on her webpage and rubbed the back of her neck.
She had not noticed the tension growing in her as she went through the familiar steps to post a new photo.
I wonder if they will like it? she thought. By “they” she meant the 137 followers she had accumulated over the past year.
What would it be like to have a real following? Allison is now up to 500,000. How did she do it?
Natalie noticed her site had registered a new follower. Hmmm, and who might you be?
As she looked for the name of her new subscriber, a new message popped up.
Volqert: Who is more valuable, someone with 500,000 followers or someone with just two followers?
Natalie smiled as she typed, “Hello, Volqert. I did not know you cared about social media.”
Volqert: I care about a lot of things . . . like your classmate Allison.
“I’m not surprised you know Allison; she has like a gazillion followers.”
Volqert: If by “gazillion” you mean 451,007 subscribers to her YouTube channel, then yes, I know her.
“She is amazing, is she not?” typed Natalie.
Volqert: What makes you think so?
“Just look at all the places she has been and how beautiful she is,” continued Natalie. “She has reached celebrity status!”
Volqert: Have you ever spoken to Allison?
“I would not dare!” replied Natalie. “We do not travel in the same circles, if you know what I mean.”
Volqert: Do you know where Allison is right now?
“I seem to remember she was headed to some exotic location over the summer holidays,” answered Natalie.
Volqert: If by “exotic” you mean a hospital ward where she has been put on suicide watch, then you are correct.
“What happened? She is the envy of everyone at school!”
Volqert: It is complicated; but among other things, when you allow your social media presence to define who you are, the opinions of others can take on an exaggerated influence of deadly proportions.
After a long moment, Volqert’s voice broke the silence.
Volqert: You did not answer my question.
“Uh, you mean the one about who is more valuable?” asked Natalie.
Volqert: Yes.
“Part of me wants to say the one with all the followers,” answered Natalie. “But another part of me thinks that is so wrong. Why is that?”
Volqert: You forget you are living in the middle of a war.
“I am almost afraid to ask, but what is the war about?” Natalie queried.
Volqert: The fight is over you. One side wants to destroy you and the other side wants you to live.
“Does this have anything to do with the three ‘scars’ the cousins wanted us to know about?”
Volqert: What do you think?
= 5 minutes
Buzz Groups: Why Suicide?
About 10 minutes
In this story, Natalie wishes she was more like Allison with hundreds of thousands of online followers, until she discovers Allison is in the hospital after trying to commit suicide! It is a compelling question: What could possibly lead someone with a successful Internet presence to want to take her own life?
That is a question we will look at as we work in Buzz Groups. A Buzz Group is where two or three people try to come up with as many answers to a question as possible in a short period of time.
In a minute, I am going to ask you to pair up with someone sitting near you. Most groups will only have two people, but no group should have more than three. When you form your pairs or triads, make sure one of you is ready to quickly write down all the ideas the two of you come up with.
OK, now, form your groups with one or two students near you. Move your seats
only if absolutely necessary.
[While the students are forming their groups, write the following sentence at the top of the chalkboard: What might lead a popular young person to want to take his or her own life? When the groups have formed, get the attention of the class.]
I am going to give you only two minutes to write down as many answers as you can to this question.
[Read the question from the board.]
Your two minutes begin right now!
[When one-and-a-half minutes have elapsed, call out:] You have 30 seconds left. Get
your last ideas down.
[After two minutes, ask volunteers to read one of the reasons they wrote down. Each student may only suggest one idea. Write a brief version of each idea on the board. Continue until you think you have received a good sense of the range of ideas. Do not
comment on the ideas or critique which ones you think are valid. Thank the students for their contributions. And have students remain in their Buzz Groups.]
= 15 minutes
Buzz Groups: Lies and Truth
About 25 minutes
Suicide is a serious problem. Suicides occur throughout the world, affecting individuals of all nations, cultures, religions, genders, and classes. Some of you may even know a person who has attempted suicide.
Sadly, some young people think suicide is a heroic way to solve their problems. But it is not. It is a terrible mistake. There is absolutely nothing beautiful, fun, enjoyable, or admirable about taking your own life.
Let me tell you about some of the lies people may believe about suicide.
Lie: Fantasy, drama, and magical thinking give a picture of death that is appealing and positive.
[Ask the students to raise their hands if they think this is true. Then, give this truth.]
Truth: Death is harsh and unpleasant. Suicide is not heroic.
Lie: Suicide is a way to punish someone who has hurt a person and that person may think he will have the ability to observe the anguish of his enemy from a different dimension of life.
[Ask the students to raise their hands if they think this is true. Then, give this truth.]
Truth: This is a fantasy. There is no evidence suggesting a person who commits suicide will know anything about what is happening to those who are still alive.
Lie: Death is often romanticized in songs, books, video games, or films.
[Ask the students to raise their hands if they think this is true. Then, give this truth.]
Truth: Often death is softened by saying, “He has gone to sleep” or “She has passed away.” At other times, it is a source of ridicule, laughter, or fun. In media—movies, television, video games, and some music–you have probably seen death and mayhem so regularly, that its horrible violence seems normal.
Please listen very carefully! Death is permanent. It is a permanent end of life and a permanent end to all contact with the living. Also, remember this: a failed attempted suicide (the person does not die) often leads to a life of disability and pain, including emotional pain. (Source: This material is adapted from Lorena Huddle and Jay Schleifer’s Teen Suicide. New York: Rosen, 2012.)
In your groups of two or three, please discuss how you would answer a friend who believes one or more of these lies about suicide.
[After five minutes ask for answers from several groups. Comment on them as needed.]
= 25 minutes
Buzz Groups: Motivations
About 12 minutes
Now let us discuss some of the common thoughts and feelings that motivate or lead young people to attempt suicide. While you are still in your groups of two, I will give you a word. When I say the word, you will have one minute to tell each other your definition of the word and how it may be experienced in your life. The first word is:
1. Conflict. Your one minute begins now.
[After 30 seconds, remind the students to discuss how they have experienced “conflict.” After one minute, call time. Then ask if any students would like to volunteer to tell the class their definitions of conflict and how it has been experienced in their lives. Do not comment on the responses. Simply thank the student(s) for their insightful thoughts. Then say:]
Young people who live in families where there is a lot of conflict—conflict between the two parents and/or between the young person and his or her parents—may begin to think about suicide as a means to escape. [If more explanation is needed, add: In a situation like that, teens can begin to feel unloved and unwanted, and become withdrawn from their families. These teens are more likely to become suicidal than those who live in close, loving families. Constant conflict with parents is a predictor of suicidal thinking and self-destructive actions.]
There are ways to deal effectively with family conflict and other problems; suicide is NOT one of them. [If it seems necessary, remind the students of ways to deal effectively with conflict. There are classes and books on building healthy relationships, anger management, and conflict management. Also, one can go to counseling with a trusted teacher, pastor, or priest, or see a professional psychologist, just to name a few options.]
2. Hopelessness. [Use the same instructions as under the first word. After the students’ discussions and volunteer report, say:]
Everyone has individual days of sorrow, fatigue, uselessness, emptiness, dissatisfaction, or loneliness. It is a part of life. But when these kinds of feelings last for two or more weeks and/or happen often, hopelessness or depression can develop. This hopelessness can lead to feeling that the fight to feel normal is a losing battle. Then they begin questioning their ability to cope with life.
Never give in to the lie that things will never get better; it is a lie. Tell a trusted friend, relative, or teacher about your feelings. The sooner a young person voices his thoughts, the sooner he can get help to dispel this lie and others.
3. Isolation. [Use the same instructions as under the first word. After the students’
discussions and volunteer report, say:]
A person who feels chronically depressed can feel increasingly isolated. As a young person becomes withdrawn as a way to cope, he or she does not see how isolation and withdrawal pushes other people away. Many do not know how to help, so unfortunately, they stay away.
Listen closely: Thoughts of worthlessness and hopelessness leading to isolation are lies, too. Pulling away from friends and family—the ones who love you most—is NOT the solution. In fact, they are the very people one needs to stay connected to—they will remind you: You are worth far more than you understand.
4. Anger. [Use the same instructions as under the first word. After the students’
discussions and volunteer report, say:]
When teens are in regular conflict with their families and constantly feeling hopeless and helpless, and are alone most of the time, they may also become angry. They may focus their anger at another person or several people, but at a deeper level their anger is at themselves. This anger at oneself, especially in young men, can cause them to feel trapped. But this anger is temporary. It can be worked through with the help of friends, family, and professional counseling.
5. Abandonment. [Use the same instructions as under the first word. After the students’ discussions and volunteer report, say:]
Sometimes when two people believe they are in love and one of them wants to break up, the other person can become so emotionally distraught that he or she commits suicide. Young people who do this are in a fog of emotions and do not see any future. They feel abandoned and cannot see there is likely another person with whom they may later share an even deeper love relationship. Never allow yourself to think that there is no one who can love you. That is a lie!
6. Failure. [Use the same instructions as under the first word. After the students’ discussions and volunteer report, say:]
Sometimes people commit suicide when they feel they have failed everyone or brought shame upon the family. Their desire to please their parents is so deep they do not feel they can face them.
= 37 minutes
Buzz Groups: Positive Steps
About 10 minutes
Young people who are thinking about suicide or have tried and failed to take their own lives often feel hopeless. But there are many reasons for hope. Here are six practical steps experts recommend if you know someone considering suicide or if you are thinking about it.
After I list these ideas from the experts, I am going to ask you to decide which are the most important two or three steps you should take if someone you know indicates he is thinking about taking his own life.
1. Tell a responsible adult. A grown-up family member, friend, or teacher should know about suicide threats. It is best if you can convince the young person to go to the adult. However, if you cannot convince the person to go, you may have to tell an adult yourself.
2. Take threats seriously. Do not assume “they do not mean it” or “they are just joking.” A young person may not directly say he or she wants to die. Instead, it might be something like, “I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.”
3. Do not judge. Suicidal youth need to talk about their feelings and not be condemned for what they are feeling.
4. Connect with professional help. If a person has attempted suicide or is seriously threatening to do so, friends, family, and teachers may not be enough. A counselor or psychologist can often be reached through school authorities, doctors, or hospitals. Many cities and countries have telephone suicide hotlines. You can likely find phone numbers on the Internet.
[Note to teacher: Have a suicide hotline phone number to put on the board. Ask every
student to write it down.]
5. Limit screen time. Many experts suggest suicidal teens should spend less than three hours per day on screens. Social media, trolling the Internet, and watching frightening or negative videos often heightens isolation and depression among youth. Of course, screen time spent on homework or interacting with encouraging friends or family should not be limited.
6. Encourage positive cultural and religious beliefs. Suicidal teens often believe they are worthless and no one cares whether they live or die. Discovering that their family, their community, and God values them and cares about them is a powerful counter to suicide. We will explore this further in our next lesson.
In your groups, please decide which two or three of these six items you believe would be most important if you discovered one of your classmates or family members was considering or had attempted suicide. After your group has picked the top two or three, then I want you to decide which one is the most important or which one you would try to do first. After five minutes, I am going to ask each group to tell us which one they picked as number one.
[After five minutes, have each group tell the number of the item they listed as most important. Record the votes next to the numbers on the board.]
Now that you have chosen one of the six in your group, and you have seen the ones the rest of the class chose, I want each of you to choose one privately. In a page in your notebook, write down the number of the one you would think is most important if you learned a friend or family member was considering or had attempted suicide.
= 50 minutes
Ending the Lesson
We have talked about some positive steps you might take to help yourself or someone else who was considering suicide. In our next lesson, we are going to look at another solution, to not only the danger of suicide but all the problems and threats we’ve talked about in this series of lessons. Can you guess what that solution might be? We’ve already hinted at it in the stories we have been reading.
resources
Focus Points
1. Suicide is a growing problem among teens worldwide.
2. Often broken family relationships, depression, negative social interaction, and misconceptions of death are leading causes in one taking one’s own life.
3. There is help. There are suicide crisis hotlines a person can call for help. In addition, a person in crisis can talk with trusted parents, other relatives, teachers, a pastor or priest, or friends and seek professional counseling to get off the spiral toward suicide.
4. Never give up. You are loved and valued.
Going Deeper
The question parents and friends ask when a son, daughter, or friend has attempted or completed suicide is usually, “What would be so bad a teenager would turn to suicide? In the lesson material you learned that research on teenagers who attempt suicide shows that the major influences are home conflict, hopelessness, relationships. Sometimes media communicates that suicide is a good way out of a miserable life, depression, loneliness and anger. These messages are absolutely false; they are lies.
Underneath all these influences is a broken promise—the promise of happiness. Children hear this promise very early from their parents: “Do what we tell you and you will be happy.” At school, children hear messages like, “Learn what I am teaching, and you will be happy.” Virtually all the advertisements on television, billboards, and magazines promise,“Buy our product or service and you will be happy.” Kids grow up believing that great happiness is normal, and any unhappiness is wrong and should not be tolerated.
But when a teenager believes that everyone else is happy and he or she is unhappy because of home conflict, hopelessness, being bullied, depression, feeling lonely and isolated, etc., and all attempts at happiness fail, desperation (extreme hopelessness) sets in. Suicide becomes a tempting, but terrible, way out.
Interestingly, God does not promise happiness in life on this earth. He promises joy. They are not the same even though many people think they are. Happiness is dependent on circumstances: “If I get this grade, this toy, this boyfriend, this job, I will be so happy.” Joy is foundational. A joyful person is content, even when experiencing difficulties, deprivation, disappointment, and delays. Happiness is addictive—we always want more. Joy is fulfilling—a source of strength in the face of conflict, stress, and disappointment.
But beyond the joy that comes from gratitude, God has a supernatural joy for His children. Jesus, talking about His love for His people, said, “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (John 15:11). Jesus’ joy is not natural human joy. It is the joy of His intimate relationship with Almighty God. It is the foundational, constant confidence that He was being and doing what God sent Him to earth to be and to do.
Jesus endured a cruel death, nailed to a cross “for the joy that was set before Him.” Jesus knew that after His death and burial, He would be resurrected (brought back to life) by God’s Holy Spirit and be back in the presence of God. And Jesus also knew that His death would be accepted by God as a substitute for the eternal death and separation from God of all of us who would accept Jesus’ death to pay for our own sins and give us eternal life.
Writing to Jesus’ followers in Thessaloniki, the apostle Paul wrote, “… you welcomed the message in the middle of severe suffering with joy given by the Holy Spirit.” These people were not happy. They were suffering, but they were given joy, God’s joy, by God’s Holy Spirit.
In Romans 15, Paul prays, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” God’s kind of joy fills His people with overflowing hope—replacing the hopelessness that leads to contemplating suicide.
Do joyful people feel joyful all the time? No. The joy is constant, but it is not like feeling happy all the time, which is unrealistic anyway. Joyful people know the hurt of physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual pain, none of which feels good. But joy in your life is a source of perspective when suffering comes. The joyful person learns that suffering produces perseverance which produces character which produces hope. And when a person lives in hope, suicide is not an option or a temptation.
Parent-Teacher Connection
[Reproduce the list below for each student to take home to parents. Notice the list is similar to the one you went through with your students except for the deletion of the first point and the addition of the final two.]
For Family Discussion
If Your Youth Is Threatening or Attempts Suicide
Take threats seriously.
Do not assume “they do not mean it” or “they are just joking.” Kids may not directly say they want to die. Instead, it might be something like, “I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.”
Do not judge.
Suicidal youth need to talk about their feelings and not be condemned for what they are feeling.
Connect with professional help.
If a person has attempted suicide or is seriously threatening to do so, friends, family, and teachers may not be enough. A counselor or psychologist can often be reached through school authorities, doctors, or hospitals. Many cities and
countries have telephone suicide hotlines. You can likely find phone numbers on the Internet.
Limit screen time.
Many experts suggest suicidal teens should spend less than three hours per day on screens. Social media, trolling the Internet, and watching frightening or negative videos often heightens isolation and depression among youth. Of course, screen time spent on homework or interacting with encouraging friends or family should not be limited.
Encourage positive cultural and religious beliefs.
Suicidal teens often believe they are worthless and no one cares whether they live or die. Discovering that their family, their community, and God values them and cares about them is a powerful counter to suicide.
Do not leave them alone.
If your child threatens or attempts suicide, arrange for constant supervision.
Remove dangerous items.
Restrict access to lethal means such as razors, firearms or pills.
